The Freiburger Epic

Sorry for the wait. I have discovered that I have several readers now (super exciting) and so I shall continue with the epic and tell you about the end of our journeys. Sorry, I had to remove my bangles and rings and such. Cant have any obstruction while I'm typing.

So Paris. We left Freiburg really early. And since it was both a Sunday and the morning after a HUGE festival where people were basically running around the streets drunkenly and singing, the usually very packed main street was entirely empty. Apart from the cigarette butts that created a nice little carpet of filth under the tram lines. Provided, it was also 7 am when we were walking around there. And who in their right mind gets up that early on a Sunday?

I forgot to mention that Sam and I racked up our God points the night before, because we were at the free public gospel concert next to the church that night. This was after a very traditional Bavarian meal in one of the pretty side streets of Freiburg. But we stood in the square along with lots of German families, and listened to a group of Adults and the Gospelkids sing a list of very cliche gospel songs in English with heavy accents. It was very nice to listen to, but after about an hour and a half we got a little bored and we wandered off down the street.

That evening, we decided to write a short play about the strange people staying in our dorm of 21 people in the crunchy granola hostel. And I will transcribe what I have written in my notebook for your entertainment below. Keep in mind, some of this is only funny if you know the people thats it's based off of... but you might get an idea. And most of these things are based on things that the person actually said and or did. It's not politically correct at all, so please dont think I'm a bad person. You have been warned.

Freiburg Hostel : The Play

Cast:
Bald but very hairy man (shaves head in Bathroom)
Mentally unstable Hallway singing boy
French couple (Midget with mutton chops and woman)
Vampire Man
Weird German biking guys
Manpris (a man who wears capris)
Weird running Asian guy
Asian Girl (friend of weird running asian guy)
Couple (Unclear Ethnicity)
Clueless Receptionist
Old Man
Pretty Blond Girl
Pretty Blond girl's plain friend
Singing boy's Mom
Diana
Sam

Acte 1: Check in and the Lobby (Very hippie atmosphere, a few computers with some people typing, one guy is asleep on the couch, everyone else is walking in and out)

Receptionist: Hi! (Diana stares at her lower teeth situation. The president needs to come and solve some of these problems in her jaw) I dont know where the black forest is because I have only been in Freiburg for one day! But here is a map!

Sam: ok. Can we have a key to our room? (Awkwardly and very obviously eyes the singing boy and Manpris, who are monopolizing the computers. Werid Asian boy runs in through the door, past reception and into a dark hallway)

Recep: Yeah, but you must surrender your passport in case you decide to steal the key. (Sam hands over passport) oh, and we are mysteriously high maintenance. Since you didnt call us 3 times before your arrival to confirm, you will sleep in our largest dorm.

French couple is sitting on the couch, whispering. Midget's mutton chops/bad facial hair scenario causes Sam to cringe

Diana: (finally stops staring at her teeth) Great.

Diana and Sam look at the french couple, exchange a look and lug the bags up 2 flights of stairs. They collapse on 2 beds next to the door, after walking in on a couple across from them. Asian boy appears randomly from thin air, runs into the room, sits down behind a wall, then stands up really quickly and runs away again.

Sam : (looking weirded out) I feel really self concious in this room.

Manpris walks into room and strips off almost all of his clothes. As he stands in his underwear, he turns and smiles at Diana and Sam. He hops into bed and reads his map.

Diana: I need to get my sneakers. I think I lost them (Exits).

Acte 2: The Hallway

Diana opens her locker while the silent Vampire man marches up and down the hall without an apparent goal of any kind. German biking guys are chatting.

German guy 1: Mjuheufuhefu?

Diana: (weirded out face)

German guy 1: MJUHEUFUHEFU?!

Diana: Enschuldigung?

German 1: Not. German?

Diana: No, actually I'm not.

German 1: Do you snore? (German 2 bursts out laughing)

Diana: No I dont... (returns to dorm)

Diana reenters the dorm. Sam is sitting on his bed watching a couple hook up

Sam: I want to brush my teeth before more sketchy people arrive.

Sam enters the bathroom and stands over the sink. French midget is in the shower singing loudly, bald man is shaving his head in the sink next to Sam. He waves and says Halloh when Sam enters)

Sam: Hello...? (makes weirded out face)

French Midget: mmmmmmmmmmhhhhhh la la lalaaaa mmmmmmmggggghhhhhh (has sexual fantacies about his girlfriend)

Sam: GET IT!!!!!!

Bald guy: (puts down razor and looks at Sam)

French guy: (emerges from shower, glowing from a recent sexual experience. Even his mutton chops glisen) Halloh!

Sam nods and leaves bathroom as quickly as he can.

Acte 3 : Dorm in the Night

Sam enters the dorm where Diana is sitting on her bed, recharging her crackberry and texting. Manpris is still studying his map. Door opens, silent vampire man stands in the dorm way grimly. He looks at Sam. Then Diana. Then he stares at Manpris. All is silent for a moment, Diana and Sam look at each other with brows furrowed. Suddenly, a very off tune voice rumbles through the hallway in incoherent sounds. Vampire looks confused and leaves doorway.

Sam: (looks at the Bob Marley poster across the room) Any place with a Bob Marley poster is sketchy.

Diana nods

Sam: You know what time it is? Guess what time it is!!!!

Diana: eh...8:14?

Sam: NO! PUSSYCAT DOLLS MARATHON TIME!

Diana: It smells interesting in here.

Sam: It smells like NATURE!!!

Asian boy runs into the backroom, followed by an Asian girl who just walks in his tail wind. An old man enters and collapses on the bed across from them, where a couple was formerly making out. Old man begins to breathe very loudly in slumber. A Couple of unknown ethnicity enters, speaking in French, German and English simultaneously. They lie on the bed next to the old man and cuddle.

Sam: I hate it when men wear man-pris.

Diana: or manny-packs. or marfs. or Murses!

Sam: And bald guy needs some help.

Diana: What kind of help? like 1ft cliff, 3ft cliff, or 5ft cliff help?

Sam: no like hair help. Some MAN scaping needs to be involved.

Hallway singing gets louder and more off tune. It smells more and more nature-y aka mildew esque. Boy's mom yells at him to stop his free hallway concert and it becomes silent again.

Sam: I hope jij4ifjiuefuewhfuhwfjvhsdhvhv (interrupted by old man's breathing as it increases in volume)

Diana: What?

Sam: I said I hjduefuheufhh ijijij esdjdwwjjdijw!

Diana: What?!

Sam: (Inaudible over the deafening breathing sounds)

Diana: WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!?

Sam: I SAID I THINK THAT GUY IS AMERICAN (gestures to couple of unknown ethnicity) AND I HOPE THE RIPE TIDE GOING ON OUTSIDE IS SOOTHING OR IT'S GOING TO BE A PROBLEM (he is refering to the dam which runs outside the hostel and provides water to the mini-moats around the city. The water fall part of the dam is under the window)

Diana: Ok.

Asian guy enters and looks confused. He turns around and smacks into the Vampire who now looks pissed. Asian guy runs away but Vampire glares at the now sleeping Manpris. Bald guy walks in wearing a spandex suit.

Diana: We would have to sleep next to the door.

Sam: Hippies scare me!

Diana: At least they're not URBAN

Sam: I prefer *Urban* (w. hand motion). Can I tell him that I hate his manpris?

Bald guy returns and Sam stares at his spandex covered ass

Sam: What is it with people here and spandex?

Diana: (Shrugs) remember skater boy in Luxembourg?

Sam: (Grins, rolls around on his bed and smiles) Yeah, he was so hot!

Diana: Wow. We actually agree. This is a first.

Sam: SKATER BOY!

Manpris looks over, covers face with his arm and then rolls over.

Diana: Wow Sam. Be a little more fabulous. Wait, not possible. (Sam Grins evily)








So thats what I have about Freiburg.
Tonight I am going out with some friends and finally seeing the 5th Harry Potter, so I'll try to write about Paris a little later. I lost track of time typing up that script, and so I need to give Paris a fair shot. And that means it will have to come later.

loads of love (and now some laundry, since I'm home!)
D