And based on entries from last summer and a walk down memory lane with Sam, we decided to make our list of *Urban* rules, in celebration of his moving away from *Urban with hand motion* roommates.
25 Rules you need to know:
1) (Old throw back) Not allowed to drink water, must prolong your own suffering so that you have something to complain about and write depressing vignettes about the experience
2) You are, however, allowed to have ice cream because NO ONE should be deprived of this pleasure
3) when you go out to eat, you cannot buy your own food. You MUST eat whatever the other person has ordered, all while insisting that you are not, in fact, hungry
4) you must claim that you are permanently broke and complain about it, and then run to the nearest starbucks for your grande non-fat skinny vanilla latte
5) At some point you experimented with either the guitar, song writing, or vocals... but gave it up because you were more talented with other art forms (also because you were not very good at it, despite your facebook fan page that your friends joined to make you feel better)
6) you take pictures of anything and everything from weird angles
7) you spend lots of time finding out about new artists and their exhibitions to make sure you are able to throw your knowledge of the newest, upcoming ideas from completely obscure artists into conversations with people you just met
8) you MUST take art history. it is the most crucial part of an *Urban* education
9) you visit abandoned lots or sites of urban decay and take dramatic photos or write graphic poetry about your adventures
10) (unspoken rule)
11) you go to vintage stores and find the oldest, most pill-y sweaters. the older they smell, the better.
12) you live in the suburbs, but deny this ardently and tell people that you lived in the nearest city
13) your phone never works. being in contact is not cool.
14) you have played with a polaroid camera. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. You need to have used one of the pictures from this time as your facebook profile picture.
15) *Urban* relationships go deeper than average people can understand. Try as you might to communicate the pain, the darkness, the passion, the affection, and other such emotions through vignettes, you are unable to describe properly the extent of your love. Talking about it makes you frustrated. After a tough break up, you insist that your friends are all the "relationship" that you need.
16) There is tons of sexual tension among your friend group, and it is often acknowledged.
17) fake glasses. the more obviously fake the better.
18) staple clothing item: men's v-neck tshirts. should be baggy on girls but tight on guys.
19) make sure that your hair does not look like you have washed or brushed in three days.
20) despite everything else, you dont smoke cigarettes, because they are gross
21) selectively vegetarian, depending on the situation. This has a very complex series of rules and situations that are not understandable to the average person. Often groups of Urbans will obstain from eating meat in order to discuss the suffering of animals and show that they are not apathetic.
22) Never. In your life. do you plan to play a sport. or break a sweat. unless it because you are breaking into an abandoned warehouse to take pictures.
23) Irony. If you do not understand why an *Urban* is "joking" about, it is because you are not intelligent and witty enough to keep up with their superior sense of irony.
24) the longer it takes you to enjoy a particular song or artist the better. prolong the suffering as long as possible. and the more obscure the band, the better. If the music puts you to sleep, it is at its highest caliber, because you suffer while you are trying to stay away. And this is something that you can complain about.
25) you must discuss childhood toys, tv shows, food etc. and have parties with these themes to relive the "best times of your life," before you grew up and understood the world
key words and themes: suffering, complaining, vignettes about your feelings and experiences, photography, suburbs, IRONY.
And you forgot something like "Spewing Nietzsche's Angel Foodcake recipe from McSweeney's" and also simply an ardent read of McSweeneys.
ReplyDeleteBy the way. I give my stamp of approval however useless it is. Plus. I'm offended by 21. My only defense is for me ... I don't commiserate; I simply argue with myself for days. It gets better sometimes.
I'm excited to read future blog entries. And I will try to keep my responses at a normal length...try. :D
ick. That was "reader."
ReplyDelete